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So my buddy, Sam, apparently screws around at work quite a bit- an admittedly difficult temptation to resist considering his free access to a T-1 line- and sends out lots of emailed links to silly news stories, upcoming movies, games of interest and occasionally very questionable pornography. He sends these emails to an ever growing list of friends and acquaintances, including Tonya and me. Those on his list often choose to make use of the "reply all" button, rather than simply "reply." Consequently, Sam's email list has become a veritable forum of sometimes hilarity.
Recently, Sam sent out some forgettable link about the unquestionably evil and sad Smurfs film currently in production. To my horror, some people actually seem excited about this idea and to these people I say this: go die. Tonya, who is first-generation German and upon getting the email, noted that The Smurfs was originally a German cartoon and called The Schlumphs. I didn't believe her so I did some research on the matter- via my inferior cable internet service- and confirmed it. I never, ever expected that what I would soon find would be so horrible.
Here's what my research uncovered:
The Schlumphs was invented by one of the earliest members of the National Socialist German Workers Party, Alfred Rosenberg. Rosenberg, whose membership to the "Nazi" party predated that of even Adolf Hitler- the Nazi party's eventual leader- authored a book in 1930 called: The Myth of the Twentieth Century. This book dealt heavily with the widely believed racial superiority of Nordic and Germanic Caucasians (known as "Aryans") and also with the "Jewish Question." Rosenberg- as did many other members of the Nazi party and German general public at the time- believed that Jews were of an inferior race and that their presence and influence in German society was a great detriment, one that was partly responsible for the loss of national strength and prosperity. |
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| The Myth of the Twentieth Century lingered on the German Best-Seller List for an unprecedented forty-six weeks. Its publisher, Die Harrenrasse Verffentlichen, which translates to "Master Race Publishing" -ironically headed by a Jewish woman, Laura Schlessinger- was so pleased by the success of the book that it commissioned Rosenberg to produce a children's pop-up book of the text. A year later, the book The Schlumphs' Perfect Society versus a Filthy, Evil Semite was on sale for the modest price of three-hundred thousand German dollars (only $9.95 by today's currency values). Despite crushing nationwide economic depression, the book sold like hotcakes (or Die Hotkaken, Rosenberg's perceived "perfect," Aryan food). |
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| The typical Aryan breakfast |
| Rosenberg's Schlumphs were a race of munchkins whose blue skin was supposed to be representative of the ideal Aryan eye color. Schlumphs wore white clothing and had white hair, white being the mandatory skin color for members of the Aryan race. They lived in perfect, cooperative harmony and economic prosperity, much like modern day Salt Lake City. |
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| A Smurf village |
| The only threat to the Schlumphs' society was the evil Gargamel - an obvious Jewish stereotype - who wore only black, had obvious, exaggerated Semitic facial features and coveted the Schlumphs' gold.It was also rumored that Gargamel had a degree in entertainment law and loved to talk extensively about movies after seeing them. On Thanksgiving and Christmas, Gargamel used to go out and get Chinese food and then catch a flick at the nearby multiplex. |
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| Gargamel next to a typical Jewish male |
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| Upon the breakout of World War II, several more Schlumphs propaganda books were published dealing with current events of the time: Nazi victories, the occupation of France, the "Final Solution" for the "Jewish Question," and, as the war turned against Germany, German wartime tragedies such as the Allied firebombing bombing of Dresden. |
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| Nazis and Smurfs celebrating the occupation of France, Circa 1940 |
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| Smurfs fleeing the Allied firebombing of Smurfville |
| After the Nazi's were crushed by Allied forces in the final days of the Second World War, Schlumphs were all but forgotten for many years. However, an identical children's cartoon, The Smurfs - featuring all the same symbolism as the original Nazi children's propaganda- became a Saturday morning staple in 1980. |
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| George Lincoln Rockwell |
The resurgence of the cartoon is widely believed to be part of the legacy of the late George Lincoln Rockwell, the founder of the American Nazi Party who died in 1967. Rockwell's two son's, David Hanna Rockwell and John Barbera Rockwell, were known as far less vocal but no less passionate followers of their father's belief in the superiority of white, Christian people.
David and John, two somewhat talented cartoonists who originally lent their artistic talents towards the creation of Aryan themed art, decided to go commercial in 1978 and were hired by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer to produce a series of shows. Though David and John considerably toned down their hatred of Jews and persons of color to secure the position, their bigotry was still prevalent in the themes of their work and, curiously, is to this day. Most current Jewish scholars attribute this phenomenon to the leftist resurgence in Anti-Semitism and Holocaust revisionism, which has gained more and more ground as the Israel/Palestine conflict has progressed. |
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| David H. Rockwell and John B. Rockwell on break after finishing an episode of The Jetsons, entitled: "George Punches a Heeb" |
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| Also, it is widely understood that most people, on either side of the political spectrum, are utter morons. That may have something to do with why Smurfs have remained so popular over the years and why people still think that the Nazis really had something there. |
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A demonstrator's sign from a 2003 antiwar rally in San Francisco
Source: Zombietime.com via Wikipedia |
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