Ronarticle #9- The Way I (Ron) See It
A few things before I start. First, to both of my readers, I apologize for the unforgivable gap in time since my last
writing. No easy way to say this; I was lazy.
Next, did I miss the announcement of today being "National Slacker Day?" On the way to get my customary
Starbucks so I can stay awake during my children's basketball practice, I passed no less than five different groups
of what can only be called, "slackers." On group could be called, "punks," if punks still existed. Instead, they were
more like slackers who were dressed up like punks used to dress about 25 years ago. They were very loud,
cussed a lot at each other, and were smoking a lot. They were funny. So, happy "National Slacker Day" to
everyone.
Now to the topic of this essay. I've noticed Starbucks (shouldn't there be an apostrophe in there somewhere?) has
gone back to their white cups now that the holiday season is over (like I said, it's been a while), and on those white
cups, the "The Way I See It"'s blurbs where famous people share the wisdom they've gained while getting
ridiculously wealthy. They're quite inspiring. On the cup holder thingy is an invitation for the average Joe or Jane
to write their own "The Way I See It" and have it published on cups and unceremoniously tossed on roadsides
nationwide. Cool. So, without any further ado, my "The Way I See It."
I'm not a religious man. Those who know me know this as I have made it abundantly clear of my disdain for
organized religion. I see it as more of a clever business plan and less of a way to spiritual enlightenment. What I
am is spiritual in my own sense. I am a strict believer in the principles of the yin and the yang; of positive spiritual
flow being countered by a negative or opposite flow. Without the one, the other ceases to exist. Pretty simple.
Can't have a God without Satan. Can't have blue skies without the occasional tornado. Can't get drunk without
the hangover. It keeps us in check; makes us humble.
So, what brings this out of the dark recesses of my mind, you ask? This: On the weekend of January 15, 2007 my
wife and I went to the Fantasy Springs Casino with another couple for my friend's birthday. In all, the stay was
great; food was great; they played decent music over the sound system; and, I won $1,600 playing video poker. I
also got very drunk after that and had the requisite hangover the next day. Easily what I call a great weekend (oh
yeah, there was sex. . .good sex. . .with my wife, not alone like usual).
On the way home, traffic was light most of the way, until we got to the lovely little burgh called Redlands. In
Redlands, Caltrans started a widening project back in 1965 to ease the congestion of traffic going to and from the
Palm Springs area. They expect to be finished sometime in 2010. I'm sure it will be a lovely stretch of civil
engineering once itss finished. Anyway, upon driving into Redlands and the aforementioned stretch of the I-10,
traffic came to a sudden stop. The kind of sudden stop one experiences at the end of a roller coaster. The kind of
stop a 16 year old experiences when his girlfriend says, "Put my mouth where?" The kind of stop a brick wall gives
to a skateboarder. It was fast. It was nasty. I had no problem stopping.
I wish I could say the same for the 16 year old bitch behind me. Apparently, she forgot that cars that go fast also
need to stop every once in a while, especially on a fucking freeway that is perpetually under construction. No, she
had barely the chance to make her foot come in contact with the brake pedal before slamming into the back of our
pristine (well, it was clean) Lexus. My head was violently slammed back into the headrest shortly after uttering the
words, "Oh, shit. She ain't stopping." My wife was actually thrown forward into the dashboard and bruised her
arm. She cried a lot. I was shaking. The 16 year old bitch collapsed and was taken to the hospital to have her
head removed from her ass.
See, it's like I told the wife; we were coming back with $1,300 in our (my) pockets. We had, by all accounts, one of
the best weekends ever; this accident was just the universe's way of evening things out. Making sure we didn't get
too cocky with our new found riches.
It doesn't stop there, nor is it limited to my gambling and drinking habits. I find a show I like on TV and I have to
watch American Idol with the family. I get a fat raise at work; daughter number three needs braces. When I first
started practicing law, I technically won my first case. Technically I say because the judge, upon rendering his
verdict for my client, snatched defeat from the jaws of victory citing my client's past (and fraudulent) under the
doctrine of "unclean hands" thus precluding my client from collecting a huge award (she had lost her house under
dubious circumstances and we were looking to reclaim lost equity in the area of $250,000). That's right folks, I
won the battle and lost the war. You can't pay rent with the money you make from moral victories. The judge said
I did a good job. Lucky me, a fucking gold star on my forehead.
Sometimes, the yin and yang work in reverse. I had a string of about three or four girlfriends who dumped me after
first lying to me about why they needed to move on. The first told me her parents didn’t want us to see each
other. This hurt me deeply, especially after her sister told me she was full of shit. Soon thereafter, she was
getting married to the pencil-dick she left me for and was living in a trailer in San Bernardino. Within a few months,
she was following him into the Army. I derived great pleasure from her downfall. I got the yin, she got the yang. . .
right up the ass.
One other example would be the first girl I think I loved. She was everything a guy wanted in a girlfriend; hot, loved
sex, Latina, could drink with me, did I mention she was hot? She had one character flaw; she couldn't stay in one
relationship at a time. She would constantly tell me that she was going out with her friends when, in fact, she was
playing "hide the chorizo" with another dude. Bitch. I caught on when I realized she had no other friends who were
female. That and her mom (also hot. . .maybe even hotter than her) told me she was fucking somebody else.
Sweet, sweet karma smiled upon me a few months later when I found out she was getting married to some creep
who was missing the third finger on his right hand and was moving to Norman, Oklahoma. (the guy she was
marrying would use his missing finger to make it appear as if he was picking his nose, nay, burying his finger up
his nose, for laughs. . .she got what was coming to her) I saw her mom not long after she moved; she said the old
ex was miserable and missed California. I laughed. . .a lot.
So folks, you get the picture. It's all about balance. My life is full of it, past and present. I'm sure you can find it in
yours as well if you'd stop all the candy-assed whining about what you don't get or what you don't have and realize
it will all even out in the end.
That's as spiritual, or preachy, as I get.