I'm sorry folks but, if you are currently playing WoW, then you are a fucking NERD. Not just a little nerd but a GIGANTO-NERD. A NERD TO END ALL NERDS; THE ONE WHO IS CALLED NERD; HE WHO BRINGETH THE DORKNESS UNTO THE PEOPLE AND CALLETH THEM NERD, SO THAT THEY MIGHT DANCE AND CAVORT AND MAKE GAIEGHTY FOR HE AND THOSE LIKE HIM (via keyboard).
I don't have a problem with nerds because, well, I am one. I'm just not on the same caliber as the Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Gamer (MMORPG) ilk. That, and I'm unwilling to pay the monthly fee for the privilege of getting my ass kicked, repeatedly, by shit-talking thirteen year old boys.
Pretty much the only reason that I would bother playing WoW is to be a dick and screw with other people's quests. For instance, I hear there's a bunch of controversy because you can pay for character upgrades, something that is totally unfair but, because of that, totally funny in practice. Basically, you pay real American dollars to some dork who spends ALL DAY playing WoW and he/she gives you gold coins- or whatever the prevailing currency is in that magical land of fantasy- for your character to spend to outfit himself with the latest in armor, weapons, magic potions, etc. Take said items and go around slaying the holy hell out of those who logged countless wasted hours to obtain inferior equipment that you just bought because you're a no good (but very funny) cheat.
Another option would just be to pick one character and follow him/her around, everywhere that character goes. I mean everywhere. And comment on everything also. Like, when the level III orc that you're following decides to go into the weapons shop, say "dude, what the fuck are you gonna do with a new axe? You can't kill anything worthwhile and everything you do kill is in a totally pussy-ass way." Now, in the unlikely event that this person gets mad and decides to demonstrate their deadly prowess on you, just run away. Or, let this person kill you and then immediately make a new character, find the guy again, resume following him and say, "See, I meant it when I said you were a pussy. I'm still here, yo!" I think we can all see the tremendous potential in this.
Another fun thing to do would be to go around and try to proposition, hump and/or fellate anything and anybody, at all times. While this sounds rather boring, the more this is done the higher the chance is that some kid's mom would walk into his room while he's online, see your character doing this and, consequently, ban their child from World of Warcraft and probably every other video game that isn't Mario-based, for all time. Though this sounds somewhat crass, in a round about way it'd be a public service.
You see, according to recent polls, the average video game player is thirty-three years old and has been playing games for about twelve years. Yet, people still make video games for children. Nintendo is the perfect example of this. Their new console has a controller that is basically just a light gun (remember Duckhunt?) which, though those things are fun for a while, they soon get old. And don't even get me started on games for handhelds. The video game rating system is another staggering example of this. According to the same polls cited before, ninety-three percent of all people who purchase video games are over eighteen with the most frequent video game buyer being forty years of age (yes, I know some of these people are probably buying games for their kids but the average age of a gamer is thirty-three so you arent disproving anything, smartass). So who exactly needs this ratings system? This means that the ratings system caters to SEVEN PERCENT of the consumer base for this market. Boy, thanks Tipper Gore, way to chose a meaningful crusade. That whole heroin thing is much too limited in scope, lets keep the kids away from Grand Theft Auto instead. Truly video game violence is the primary tear in the fabric of society.
Truthfully, Id probably really enjoy playing an online game. So much so that I kind of fear how much Id enjoy it. Iâm afraid I wouldnt get anything done. No updates to this site, no progress getting through my $100.00 plus (per month) comic book habit, and no more pages of my manuscript.
You read that last sentence right. |
