| Power, Prejudice and a (kinda..?) Neo-Conservative's View of Current Events - Part 2 |
Hopefully you've read the first part of this essay and have not given up on me. If you have, screw you, who needed you to begin with? If not, welcome to Part 2, which I have dubbed "The Funny Part." Many of you will probably find this part humorous. Some, eh, not so much. Try to keep in mind that I'm still totally serious. Totally.
This two-part essay started as a paragraph blurb to remind myself to write about an issue that's always been close to my heart. Yet, when I started writing the set-up, the whole Iraq thing came up - hence the two-parter. You see, I wanted to write my opinion on drilling Alaska's oil reserves. It's a really shitty idea. Then I got to thinking about oil, power, war, terrorism, etc. Forgive me, on with the show...
At some point, we will run out of oil. Everybody knows this. Governments and industry are near panic because of this.
I propose that rather than trying to drill, bomb, fuck or schmooze our way to the remaining reserves, we should probably get to working on better sources of power. We are doing this, to some degree, but we are leaving a HUGE resource of power completely untapped, one that will not only generate electricity but social change as well:
PEOPLE WHO ARE ON WELFARE SHOULD BE MANDATED, UNDER PENALTY OF JAIL OR BANISHMENT, TO STAFF THE BUSINESS END OF A TREADMILL (OR EQUIVELENT "CARDIO" MACHINE) FOR SEVEN HOURS PER DAY. Or, eight hours with a one hour lunch. We'll work out the specifics later.
Hey, don't go getting all outraged you freaking pinko. You, of all people, should recognize that people who don't contribute to society really have no place in it. That's Marxism at the base. I'm not asking everybody be a scientist, doctor, or lawyer but I am asking the fat, malnourished and useless residents who take up a portion of "low income housing" (this includes you fundamentalist Mormon weirdoes) to get off their fat-asses, generate a few watts, lose some weight, build some work ethic, and motivate some of the cholesterol through endless miles of decaying arteries.
We, as people with jobs who are capable of taking care of ourselves, need to demonstrate that we are tired of giving away our money to people who don't deserve it. And my plan WILL work. The formerly-useless will one day be contributing members of society under this plan. And, because they will be healthier with all the exercise they'll get, we won't have to dump as much of our money into the public healthcare system to pay for their medical treatment. Also, many will be to busy to victimize others. This will slash incarceration, police budgets and insurance costs. Furthermore, if these people really hate this idea so much, then perhaps they will be motivated to get a real job, or kill themselves with fried food so we can stop giving them our money all together.
I'm not really conservative, am I? |
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