Item #17: The Fifth Element
Let's just say that I dare criticize the wisdom of having a former supermodel, turned
actress, helming the responsibility of saving the universe aided only by Bruce Willis. It's
not that I don't think the pretty girl/Bruce Willis combo isn't up to the task; I just think
having some sort of special powers would aid the process. I know Leeloo is somewhat
skilled in karate and looks good naked but she obviously is incapable of surviving by
herself. For instance, she doesn't know any English, she has no fear of heights (though she
should) and she is woefully ill-clothed. Sure, it only takes a few minutes of flipping through
channels for her to learn most of this stuff but what if the cable was out? Yeah, she'd be
stranded on Crap Island without a raft.
So, for future Fifth Element Chicks, I recommend giving them a hard carapace (much like
a lobster), huge talons, fire-breath and the ability to turn men into stone with eye contact.
That's preparedness for saving the universe.
Let's keep that white strappy-number though.
Let's just say that I dare criticize the wisdom of having a former supermodel, turned
actress, helming the responsibility of saving the universe aided only by Bruce Willis. It's
not that I don't think the pretty girl/Bruce Willis combo isn't up to the task; I just think
having some sort of special powers would aid the process. I know Leeloo is somewhat
skilled in karate and looks good naked but she obviously is incapable of surviving by
herself. For instance, she doesn't know any English, she has no fear of heights (though she
should) and she is woefully ill-clothed. Sure, it only takes a few minutes of flipping through
channels for her to learn most of this stuff but what if the cable was out? Yeah, she'd be
stranded on Crap Island without a raft.
So, for future Fifth Element Chicks, I recommend giving them a hard carapace (much like
a lobster), huge talons, fire-breath and the ability to turn men into stone with eye contact.
That's preparedness for saving the universe.
Let's keep that white strappy-number though.
