Apocalypse Now
Oh boy, here it goes. Some asshole I'm friends with, or some guy who works at a search engine
(those are the only two kinds of folks who are ever gonna find this site), will have a TOTAL
SHITFIT because I've made fun of his/her precious Coppola opus. Look, you knew I was going to
piss you off at some point... if I didn't, I wouldn't be doing my job.
I think Apocalypse Now is nothing short of brilliant filmmaking. The movie has several very
important things going for it that spell sheer entertainment for Dan Silver:
1- It's a war movie.
2- It's got a soundtrack completely devoid of today's top hits.
3- Playboy bunnies.
Here's the problem with the whole thing though, dude: Martin Sheen, who does an okay job at
the lead role, wasn't originally cast as the lead. It was Harvey Keitel. And it wasn't like the casting
director didn't invite Harv back for a final audition. THEY STARTED FILMING IN THE
PHILLIPINES WITH KEITEL! That means Coppola just up and decided that we all really wanted
to see Martin Sheen go through some weird, drunken, emotional breakthrough while wearing
not-a-whole-lot.
No, we didn't. Thanks.
Harvey Keitel could whoop Martin Sheen's Emilio Estevez-spawning ass any day. I'm so sick of
the Sheen family. I hate the Sheens like I hate the Kennedy and Bush families of the world.
Legacies are annoying.
And, you know what else? Heart of Darkness was lame. Not the book, the documentary filmed by
Coppola's wife during the making of Apocalypse Now that chronicles the whole thing. It made me
really want Coppola to get malaria or arrested for banging a little, brown, man-servant or
something. What a whiney bitch that guy is in every interview he gives in Heart of Darkness. Not
only is he a whiney bitch, but he wears these little shorts the whole time that are so haggard. I
swear there is a scene where you can see balls.
Hairy dudes shouldn't wear little shorts. No wonder Marlon Brando didn't slim down at all before
the filming started. Who would listen to a hairy whiner in little shorts?
Harvey Keitel rules.
Oh boy, here it goes. Some asshole I'm friends with, or some guy who works at a search engine
(those are the only two kinds of folks who are ever gonna find this site), will have a TOTAL
SHITFIT because I've made fun of his/her precious Coppola opus. Look, you knew I was going to
piss you off at some point... if I didn't, I wouldn't be doing my job.
I think Apocalypse Now is nothing short of brilliant filmmaking. The movie has several very
important things going for it that spell sheer entertainment for Dan Silver:
1- It's a war movie.
2- It's got a soundtrack completely devoid of today's top hits.
3- Playboy bunnies.
Here's the problem with the whole thing though, dude: Martin Sheen, who does an okay job at
the lead role, wasn't originally cast as the lead. It was Harvey Keitel. And it wasn't like the casting
director didn't invite Harv back for a final audition. THEY STARTED FILMING IN THE
PHILLIPINES WITH KEITEL! That means Coppola just up and decided that we all really wanted
to see Martin Sheen go through some weird, drunken, emotional breakthrough while wearing
not-a-whole-lot.
No, we didn't. Thanks.
Harvey Keitel could whoop Martin Sheen's Emilio Estevez-spawning ass any day. I'm so sick of
the Sheen family. I hate the Sheens like I hate the Kennedy and Bush families of the world.
Legacies are annoying.
And, you know what else? Heart of Darkness was lame. Not the book, the documentary filmed by
Coppola's wife during the making of Apocalypse Now that chronicles the whole thing. It made me
really want Coppola to get malaria or arrested for banging a little, brown, man-servant or
something. What a whiney bitch that guy is in every interview he gives in Heart of Darkness. Not
only is he a whiney bitch, but he wears these little shorts the whole time that are so haggard. I
swear there is a scene where you can see balls.
Hairy dudes shouldn't wear little shorts. No wonder Marlon Brando didn't slim down at all before
the filming started. Who would listen to a hairy whiner in little shorts?
Harvey Keitel rules.
